He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
