i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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