I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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