i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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