Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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