the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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