also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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