id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
