let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
