i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
