Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm always down for nudity.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
