Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
