it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
