hotel room ftw
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
