That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
