i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
