i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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