The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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