I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
