You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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