Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
