She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How's work?
Spinning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
