I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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