you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
