You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
