I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
