I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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