Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
