Jerry, you need to find god
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
