And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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