we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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