she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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