I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
