And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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