Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
