is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
