I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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