Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
