In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Randomize
