so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
