I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
