Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
