ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
