he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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