Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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