what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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