just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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