omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
