I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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