I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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