All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
