drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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